Sorry to Bore You...

...but, I need to get a few things out of the way so I can begin to blog again. I am a writer really. I'm not sure my works will ever be published, I'm not sure that I think of writing as a profession, but I am a writer and not writing is making me live in Crazy Town population 1.

I started this blog for me therefore it doesn't really have a target audience, actually I don't really have a target anything--although I try to make it center around books and reading. I was having a hard time adjusting to being in a family and being married and I needed an outlet. You know somewhere I could have personal space and time without neglecting my work/friends/family...writing and reading are the only things that can occur anywhere and at anytime. I kept the blog going because it was like going to a counselor that gave really great advice and, writing about me (even writing about books that I read) has been and will continue to be therapeutic.

My personal life is busting my chops. I don't go into things lightly I pray about it and talk about it with all sorts of people. I did not decide to become a teacher without lots of thought, I did not decide to stay in Lebanon lightly and I did not go into my marriage lightly, so when one or all of these are not functioning properly stressful is an understatement. I don't really even want to blog about it as I hate it when I am wrong...and, it looks like I was wrong about a lot of things, and it will take the rest of the year and working to change my credit score to fix it all. Work life crossing into personal life. Ugh.

My work life is busting my chops. I have four preps. I need to get a news magazine out. We have 3 new teachers in our department. I'm a mentor. I'm on the PD committee. Literacy across the school building. Saturday work days. Sunday afternoon work days. Personal life crossing into work life. Vom.

I'm still amazed at the person who can be on all sorts of social media, have a job, have a family...ie. have a life outside of social media and still blog daily...where are you finding the time? where can I score the kind of happy pills you are taking? And, I'm sooooooooooooooo behind in my reading...

So, what do I hope to be able to do from here on out?...I am still writing and still thinking and still enjoying life. I'm going to make time to write about that more as being in my head so much has caused me to be a killjoy and a buzz-kill...it has caused me to be a little less than the person I know me to be. On this new adventure expect writing about books, writing about my daughter, about my faith and school, just don't expect it daily or even weekly or on any schedule at all.

So, next week I'll get back to blogging about books/school/whatevs...promise.

Valentine's Day Extravaganza 2013

1. Creating a lovely Valentine's box isn't as easy as the end project looks. First, I had to dig out the Christmas wrapping paper (thanks sister for buying thousands of extra feet) and then I had to dig through my various scrap-booking supplies. Of course, I did this Saturday morning while the tiny person was sound asleep. I used the box from last year and was sad to see it go. Also that photo in the upper left-hand corner is what Lila did for me last evening...um, she wanted to hole punch something and then she strung the ribbon through the loops. I think she's going to tie her shoes pretty darned early. :)
2. Modeling the photo-booth glitter kissy lips. She didn't want to wear the mustache...as it is for boys, "probably for daddies"...I'm pretty sure that one day she will see the fun of silly mustaches.
3. Helping put glitter on all the lips. Frankly, I'm not really sure Valentine's Day is actually coming up if my husband isn't complaining about glitter and glitter isn't getting into the grooves in the dining room table.
4. I tried to find a project that the kiddo could help me with, so here she is helping me tape the backs of the props, after I showed her what to do (and I pulled out pieces of tape), she could do that pretty much on her own.
5. The front of the little card is the picture you see below (created in Picasa using the Creative Kit)...the back is simple directions to create a photo-booth in your home. They aren't just for weddings, you know! Frankly, I think I may do one for her next birthday party I loved doing this so much!
6. The box with the extra kissy lips and mustaches (there are only 10 kids, counting Lila, in her preschool class...not sure what I'm going to do when there are more than 10!) and the completed little Valentine's: Twizzler pull and peels, two props (a mustache and kissy lips, I found those here by the way and used those to make a template and I bought the dowel rods for $.27 at Wal-Mart--they're the 1/8" size and I cut them into 4...all Saturday morning before everyone woke up), the pictures (I wasn't really sure if people would get why they had lips and mustaches with candy for a Valentine's Day card) and directions.
7. The back of the box. It had to be able to be opened.
8. Seriously, we've been having fun with our photo-booth props since Saturday. I hope the other kids have fun with theirs.

30 Days of Truth: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

I found this meme here and here.

Seven: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

How My Life in No Way Resembles that of the Illustrious Tucker Max

A Trip to KC

Occurred--January 2013

Written--January 2013

Chris' mother got remarried last weekend. Chris and I both hate weddings. Actually, until I met Chris, I didn't know someone could hate weddings more than I do. We hate dressing up, we hate the constant smiling, the being niceness, the receptions that take place in churches, I hate wearing panty-hoes and make-up...anyway, we'd been dreading the wedding for a long time, not because of the people (we love the people), but because weddings make us...itchy and, I don't know about Chris, but they also make me nervous that I'm going to screw up someone's 'best day ever' just by wearing the wrong color or sitting on the wrong side or breathing. I could tell that neither one of us were especially happy about going because it was the day for us to set out and we hadn't packed, I didn't know what I was going to wear and, because, I'd just been informed, like 2 days before, that Lila was to be in the wedding (not Chris' mother's fault; Chris' fault), we did not have a red dress. Chris didn't want to stay the whole weekend because it was supposed to snow, so we were looking at 7 hrs. of driving, plus the drive to the church, in a less than 24 hr. period. Joy.

Did I mention that I hate weddings?

Bring on the weekend.

Friday was pretty uneventful. I left school earlier than I usually do. I thought I could come home, shower and pack. Chris was already home doing those same activities, so we were just in each other's way. This, of course, made us both irritated. I did not shower. I packed every nice piece of clothing I received for Christmas (thank-you Mother). I packed about 4 different outfits for Lila. I packed my grading, my books, make-up, several different activities for Lila to be entertained in the car, snacks, Lila's blanket and Lila's pillow.

We pick up Lila from daycare, buy dinner at McDonald's and hit the road.

Chris, of course, takes the way that makes me car-sick although I have told him several times that it makes me car sick. As we pass through Sedalia, I remember happier times driving through that town to visit friends in Marshall. I fall asleep trying not to think about how much can happen in 10 years. I can live in my head a bit too much.

We arrive at Chris' mother's. I love her house. I'm not sure when it was built but it's definitely old and she has such lovely antiques. Chris' brother, wife and kids are also there. The girls run around and I drink some ginger ale. Soon everyone, except for Lila, is ready for bed. Getting her screaming self upstairs wakes up the baby. Everyone is not pleased.

The day of the wedding is best told as a timeline:

7.38a: Wake up, grade papers, read my book, waited for others to wake up.

8.05a: Go downstairs, eat some delicious fruitcake muffins.

8.30a: Lila wakes up and we go downstairs where she proceeds to play with her cousin, while eating breakfast. I go back upstairs telling the adults downstairs to come and get me if she needs anything. I both hate leaving her downstairs and love knowing that she's OK downstairs with everyone. Eventually, papers graded, I head back downstairs to take a shower...a long one, I even *gasp* shave my legs.

9ish: Chris wakes up. We realize that we have to leave at around 10ish to get Lila a dress and be at the church in time for a practice run for the flower girls. Everyone leaves the house but the three of us. We finish getting ready.

10.18a: We leave and head for the first Target on the way. It's ghetto and kind of scary. It's also under-stocked. We finally find a red dress for Lila (on clearance one size too small), headbands, hair supplies, tights, more snacks, some cute shoes on clearance and some tights for me as it is flipping freezing.

11.26a: Although the invitation said not to give a gift I feel like we should so Chris goes into Pier One and looks while Lila and I stay in the car. It's freezing out and I realize we are now running late as we are only about 1/2 through the one hour drive. I change Lila into her dress and tights while she is still in the car seat (I feel like a master).

11.48a: We look at the map and realize we are actually very close to the wedding venue, so we stop for lunch.

12.28p: We make it. I finish getting Lila ready...the flower girl head band will not fit on her head. I am OK with this when I recognize that it won't fit on her cousin's head either. There is a nursery in the church. We have to bribe Lila out of the nursery for the practice run. A lovely gentleman compliments me on how cute Lila is and how adorable she looks in red and that with her complexion she'll also look good in blue. I comment about how he is right. I thank him and ask if he'd like her for the rest of the weekend, he laughs. No one can tell I'm not joking about that.

1.??p: The wedding starts...I think horrible things like "When was the last time Lila pooped?". Her cousin throws the flowers like she's supposed to, um, Lila picks them up, puts them in her basket and dances, I mean like pirouettes and Fossi's down the aisle likes she auditioning. Everyone is laughing in a polite wedding-like manner. I look over; her father is not amused. She and her cousin stand at the pulpit a little longer than I care to think about. Lila won't sit on my lap. Chris gets a hold of her and carries her out to the nursery. As they leave, Lila is yelling, "[Cousin's name] I'm leaving you" and, the gem of the day, "I don't want to go. I want to dance." I am ashamed, but I also find her behavior funny. I can hear Chris' brother chuckling behind me. People are so good-natured at weddings. I stay for the whole thing and listen to the other kids in the pews making noises. 

2.00p: Lila wants to eat the cake before the bride and groom. We have to distract her with the punch fountain. I comment about the fact that this is the first reception I've been to in a church in awhile. My sister-in-law agrees. We have some sort of apple juice, ginger ale, spicy, cranberry juice punch. It taste like Christmas. Actually the whole reception reminds me of Christmas. After the girls run around like chickens with their heads cut off, I gladly corral them into the nursery. I watch the children and read my book.

3.00p: Chris says we should head out. We make our way out of the nursery. His new father-in-law comments on how spunky Lila is...I say she can come visit them at any time. We pack up the car. They give us extra food from the reception...cheese, crackers and salami...we are winners!

3.38p: I look at the clock in the car and we are actually on the road 38 minutes after we initially said we were going to leave. What did we do with that 38 minutes? Chris ask where we're going to eat dinner. I don't know how he can even be thinking about his next meal as I am full of cake and cheese and punch. I ignore him, but not the weather as it's beginning to snow. Chris begins to complain about the snow and driving and staying too long at the reception. I tell Chris that he isn't allowed to talk unless he is saying something positive or helpful. After we see several cars in the ditch or sideways in the median, he looks over the edge on my side of the road and questions, "Wouldn't it be horrible if we swerved off into that ditch?". I calmly say, "That comment was neither positive nor helpful."

4.30p: It's dark and snowy and slushy. Lila is asleep. We're debating on whether we should pull over or turn around. Chris says we're too far away from his mom's to turn around. I say that we are closer to his mom's than to our home. While he concedes to this logical train of thought we do not turn around.

5.45p: It takes 2 hrs. to travel to Warrensburg, but we can tell it's getting clearer. We press on.

6.32p: We hit Sedalia. Lila wakes up. She's hungry. The windshield wipers do not work. The one that doesn't work on my side, is, in fact, hitting a patch of ice. Chris keeps on asking what the noise is and I keep on saying that it's a patch of ice. He, obviously, does not believe me. My butt hurts from sitting. We debate about the fact that it feels like we are coming out of the worst of it or whether we should get a room at some place in Sedalia. Chris says that we are going to keep driving until we wreck or get home, whichever comes first. I'm glad that he cannot see me roll my eyes.

7.30p: I wake up from a nap because Chris has slammed on the brakes (there are idiot drivers around us...seriously, who pulls out into the highway in front of a car during an ice-ish storm?) I've been drooling. Lila is hungry.

7.35p: We stop at a Bull's Eye for delicious gas station (no hit of sarcasm, for real, I love gas station chicken) chicken and potato wedges. Lila will not eat them. She will, however, eat the stale goldfish crackers and chocolate milk from earlier. Chris cleans off the windshield using his bare hands, he flicks off lots of ice...hmmm...I wonder if the noise will stop, if it doesn't I will never hear the end of it. I get out of the car to throw away some of the trash. The car is covered in a sheet of ice, I can hardly see the tires as they are trapped in an ice shield.

7.40p: The windshield wipers have stopped making that horrible sound. I win. I do not tell him this. It doesn't feel like the right time.

7.42p: Lila eats the chicken and then asks for more.

7.43p: The 'Whys?' begin..."Why is that car driving in front of us?" "Why aren't you stopping? Daddy, red means 'Stop'." "Why do cars have red brake lights?" "Why is it ice?" "Why is it snowing?" Why is it dark?" "Why are we going home?" "Why are you drinking diet soda?" "Why do I have to stop kicking the seat?" "Why did you put that crunchy bag over there?" "Why can't I bang on it?"

"Can I play with the Nook?"
"I don't want to go back to sleep."

I hand her the Nook.

7.55p: By now we're just driving through rain.

8.35p: We're home. It's been a long day. Lila won't go to bed. I change her into her pajamas and go to the bedroom to read.

I don't have any pictures.

I'm pretty sure that if Lila doesn't want to get married we'll cheer. I'm also pretty sure that if she wants to get married we'll pay her to elope. I'll tell her that I hear Vegas is a great place to get married while stuffing hundred-dollar bills in her pocket. I'll end with, "Hey, Vegas worked for us, it can work for you!".

30 Days of Truth: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

I found this meme here and here.

Three: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For
OK, so if you'll recall from Day #2...um, I'm pretty self-aware, so I know pretty much immediately what I have to forgive myself for and then I do it. Sometimes that means apologizing to someone before truly forgiving myself, but once I know I've done something wrong or something someone perceives as wrong I go about fixing it and/or not letting it weigh me down.

The hardest time I've ever had doing this was when my aunt passed away. Everybody wanted me to go down and see her before the holidays and I did every weekend and the last week of her life when she was most frail and sick I did three days. I wish I would have more. I wish I wouldn't have said that I'd see her over the weekend. But, I can find peace about that, especially since I know she is no longer suffering and in pain and I know that I will see her again and I know that she is always in my heart and has made me a better person and why would I dwell on anything else, but these facts.

And, although this was written several years after her death, I find that Susan St. James's approach to her son's death and this subsequent post A Lesson in Loss, has really helped me find peace this past month.

I Wanna Go Home...

So, I'm in Chicago for a conference. It's my second faraway conference this summer. I gotta tell you I used to enjoy this little trips and would spend the whole summer blowing my extra money traveling. Last summer my kiddo and I traveled several places together and this summer I've had these conferences.

Here's what I thought would happen
1] I would go on my trip
2] I would read a lot...heck, I would catch up on all my reading on the plane and in the hotel room
3] I'd go to bed early
4] I'd sleep in
5] I'd take long baths
6] I'd watch TV

And, while some of those things happened in Vegas...I found they weren't nearly as fun as I wanted them to be. I've gotten used to...being interrupted during long baths or short showers and one can only watch so many "Law and Order" episodes uninterrupted before one gets scared of being in a hotel room alone. I know, I know...maybe I shouldn't have watched sooo many SVU episodes.

Anyway, I missed my kiddo. Heck, I missed Chris too, although he was there for all but the last two days, and we'd done some seen some awesome sites (such as the Hard Rock, the Hofbrauhaus, and Absinthe...all things we couldn't have accomplished with the kidlet with us)! And, although I went out with some ladies I met and we tagged around for lunch and dinner and such, I wanted to come home.

I was reminded of some of the terms (I'm only giving you the definitions, each one has a fun anecdote) Kristin van Ogtrop uses in her book, a book I go to for a laugh or cry when things feel a bit rough, Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom:

Absentee Parenthood: The state of being that sometimes defines your life and is by turns depressing and wonderful.  There are wonderful things about being an absentee parent, namely taking business trips that involve staying in a hotel room all by yourself, or having vital work meetings that keep you from going on the field trip to the local recycling plant. ...There are depressing moments too...

Family-friendly living: The happy-sad reality that your family is actually much, much better off because you work. And we're not just talking about the money. 

Guilt curve: The process by which your feelings of shame and inadequacy about being a working mom grow and then diminish. In my experience, the guilt curve is a bell curve, peaking when your first child reaches kindergarten, with a long tail that lasts until the day of your funeral. 

Homeward bound: The powerful drive you feel to get back into your house at the end of the day. The drive is so powerful, in fact, that sometimes it makes you do things that are irrational or completely out of character.  

Kill the messenger: The action you must take in order to forget about the office for a time--that is, to remove your BlackBerry/iPhone/Treo/whatever from your person and store it as far away as your neurotic self will allow...Any working mom worth her salt knows that it's the integrate-separate ratio between work and home that determines long-term working-motherhood success.

Strangely, it's nice to have people to come home to, it makes me happy to know that I've reached that place in my life were 'having people to come home to' is something I cherish. And, while I feel like I can handle the duality of being a working mother, I really must figure out a way to be gone less next summer...or, take the kiddo with me!

I think I may like my family and I look forward to seeing them tomorrow...

S is for Singing...as in we love ourselves some music!

My friend Becky, the same one who had the idea for the topic for my A to Z, had a wonderful topic for the letter 'M', however, I already had an 'M'...I've moved it to 'S'. Here's what she said would be a good topic:

"Music you really have liked throughout the last 15 years and ones you think you would want to share with Lila. Everytime I listen to my U2 I think of you. Maybe you could share a few songs that happened during certain times in your life and what challenges you overcame at that time, or what the song meant to you...Or your first song you and Chris both liked, as well as Lila's first song."

And, here are my thoughts...

I can chart my life by music. I didn't realize how nostalgic this made me until I got old enough to have life moments worth remembering. Benny Goodman, Cliff Richards and "The Grease" soundtrack remind of weekends at my grandparents house. "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac reminds me of the moment I realized I loved this boy in high school; that song also reminds me of the huge fight we had that damaged our friendship. If I want to remember significant high school moments I just pop in the "Boomerang" soundtrack or listen to a little NKOTB or Ace of Base. Yesterday I was just talking about slow dancing to "November Rain". I can chart every moment of my college career by song; DC Talk and Jars of Clay, "The Reality Bites" soundtrack, Oasis, Tim McGraw, "Dare to Care" concerts and Mazzy Starr. I remember sitting in the living room of a house I shared with friends talking and listening to Sheryl Crow's, "If It Makes You Happy"...I remember this moment like it was yesterday...my cat Winnie is at my feet and the smell of a cake we just baked is wafting from the blue walled kitchen. I knew that Chris and I would get along just fine when we spent a night listening to music and talking about our memories we pretty much went through our own personal catalogs of music and events. I knew that our relationship was perfect, when we bought tickets for the opening U2 show in Chicago.

The thing is I think that every single moment of life is wonderful and marvelous. I think that they should not be forgotten.

It just makes sense that I would chart our lives with Lila in the same manner. For my personal baby-shower I made the following compilation for each guest. I wanted a list of songs that I enjoyed that were all about raising and loving little girls. We also had U2's "Vertigo Tour" DVD playing in the background.

Baby Girl CD

Sugar, Sugar The Archies                      

Gracie Ben Folds Five                 

She's Gotta Way Billy Joel                             

Where You Lead I Will Follow Carole King and Louise Gaffin                   

Never Grow Old The Cranberries                              

It Won't Be Like This for Long  Darius Rucker                  

Sweet Child O' Mine Guns and Roses                              

Amazing Janelle                

Intelligentactile 101 Jesca Hoop                       

Little Miss Magic Jimmy Buffet                   

There Goes My Life Kenny Chesney                              

Time of Your Life Little Steven                     

In My Daughter's Eyes Martina McBride                            

Seven Years Norah Jones                     

Songbird Oasis                   

Little Wonders Rob Thomas                     

Pretty Dress Rosie Thomas                  

My Little Girl Tim McGraw                    

Original of the Species U2                        

My Darling Wilco     

The other day I came home from being away for the whole weekend, Chris and Lila were just vegging on the couch watching the waving PS3 screensaver listening to Pink Floyd. One time in the not to distant past, Chris came home and we were watching the videos and dancing around to:

"Dog Days" by Florence + the Machine

"1, 2, 3, 4" by Fiest

For the most part, however, on her own Lila has pretty chees-tastic taste...I can only assume that all 2 year-olds are like this and would prefer:

Elmo and India Arie singing the ABCs

"10 Little Numbers"...and, if you sing it "10 Little Indians" she will freak!

Chris and I are both lovers of music and from an early age we have instilled that love into our daughter.
At 7-months she would hum along to:

"From Where I'm Standing" by Schulyer Fisk in the movie I Am Reed Fish

Music she likes and will seek out
Pop music, every kid goes through this phase and I can jam out to Justin Bieber, "High School Musical" and Selena Gomez right along with her..."I love you like a love song, baby"...try getting that out of your head.
The first song she every sang the words to was:

"Rhythm of Love" by The Plain White Ts...we just call this the Ba-Ba Song

The thing is our musical taste have seeped into her everyday thoughts. I know that my kiddo will have no choice but to like U2 and Coldplay and Michael Jackson, just as I know that I have no choice about liking Elvis and Abba and Michael Jackson. This is the kind of music that I grew up with and I have wonderful memories associated with every song. I hope that when Lila Jane turns 35 she can say the same.

For more about my life in music, check out my 30 Day Song Challenge.

"Music & Me"
Michael Jackson

We've been together for such a long time now
Music, music and me
Don't care whether all our songs rhyme
Now music, music and me

Only know wherever I go
We're as close as two friends can be
There have been others
But never two lovers
Like music, music and me

Grab a song and come along
You can sing your melody
In your mind you will find
A world of sweet harmony

Birds of a feather we'll fly together
Now music, music and me
Music and me

I is for Interracial

Note: I thought about putting this under biracial or multicultural (which seems to be the more PC terms nowadays), but already had a "B" and "M", so here it is under "I", I hope that you are not offended by the word.

Being able to gauge how open minded a person or group of people is easy, just go with your seemingly white family out in public. Having come from an interracial background (read more about that here, read what About.com thinks about it here), I have gotten used to the stares and occasional whispers (yes, it's 2012 and there are still occasional whispers), but it doesn't mean I like them, especially in relation to my family.

The dilemma I've been having in my mind is how to raise my kiddo in such a way that she understands and is proud of all (she is a quarter African-American you know. with some Native American, French, Scottish, German...) of her cultural heritages and is still true to herself, whatever and whoever that 'self' might be.

A couple of weeks ago we had a conversation that went something like this:

To set the scene I had just picked her up from daycare and had put her in the car. They'd been learning a color each week for that month; that week's color was brown. I was buckling up the car-seat.
"Mommy, your arm is brown and your face is brown."
"Yes, I'm brown all over."
"What color am I?"
"What color do you think you are?"
"Um...(and, I could tell she was thinking really hard, she's 2 and almost a half)...uh, I don't know."
"What color is Daddy?"
"White"
"What color are you?" *more thinking* "Are you white and brown?"
"I'm white and brown."
"And, so am I."
"Oh, that's really cool." ('really cool' has been her phrase of late)
We drove home.

This conversation, of course, had me in a panic. On the one hand (living in and coming from a rural area in Missouri) I understand that looking white (I mean flip she has blue eyes--as does her father and my mother--and I've read enough literature and watched enough movies to know what that means) makes her life easier and I want her life to be easier, but I don't want to go all Halle Berry on her either (read here and here) and have her choose a race (every time Halle talks about being a black, I wonder how her white mother, the person who raised her feels, and I wonder how the white father of her daughter feels). To be honest, at times I've chosen race, especially for scholarship purposes and I told a teacher one time that if people felt they had to give a scholarship to someone just for being diverse and then tell that someone that all she had to do was keep a 2.5 GPA to keep said scholarship I'd take it and not complain--ugh, I still believe this, as colleges still give out Multicultural and Minority scholarships. However, I believe choosing a race neglects part of who you are (we can talk about why I think that later, I don't really want to go into it right now, it's been a 35 year process and I'm still processing) and, I love that questionnaires and tests and such now allow you to circle more than one or fill in whatever you think...whatever you think, isn't that refreshing? Annnnnnndddddd, I do want her life to be easier...

Then I wish we lived in a place that didn't identify people by race. I wish we lived in a place where Halle Berry didn't feel she had to identify her child as black, just because she looks it.

So, I found this list of books and bought a few, I watched a TV show on PBS--wish I could remember what it was--about teaching biracial children about their heritage and they talked about family trees and this interracial couple was talking about how and what they teach their children about their heritage using photo albums and family trees and then on the internet I found so many good family tree post! I can't wait to try out one or two with the tiny person. I don't want her to have to spend 35 years trying to figure it out and I don't want her to ever have to choose sides.

Build Your Family Tree from Family Tree magazine
Genealogy for Kids at Kids Central
Free "Family Tree" Template
Themes for Preschoolers about Family Trees
A Family Tree of Hands

Isn't it cool? I believe every kid (aren't we all of mixed heritage?) should know about their heritage and cultural background.

F is for Friendship

I am Lila Jane's best friend. How do I know this? She tells me every day. "Mommy, you are my best friend and I am your best friend." And, I always agree. I will always agree, even after she no longer thinks that. Even when she yells, "I hate you, you're ruining my life" (that is, if she's as angsty and dramatic as I know *cough, cough* teenage girls can be).

I don't really get all schmoo and soft often, but I truly like these 25 Rules for Mothers of Daughters and can even apply some of them to my life with Lila Jane without cringing or feeling too cheesy.

From Diapers and Daisies:


1.  Paint her nails.  Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up.  Teach her to care for her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.\

2.  Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes.  Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you...then let her be herself.


3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet Mr. Right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own. 

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5.  Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up.  If she would rather wear her brother's superman cape with high heels, allow it.  If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her?  She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6.  Teach her to be independent.  Show her by example that women can be strong.  Find and follow your own passions.  Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself-not just your husband or children.  Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be.  Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7.  Pick flowers with her.  Put them in her hair.  There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman - friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors.  Read to her about influential woman - Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman - Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always - this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12.  Believe in her.  It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need to believe enough for both of you.  Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college.  Remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her - even if it sounds or looks horrible.  Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics - like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite - like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer - or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23.  Mother her.  Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your  greatest accomplishments.  Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too.  Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her.  No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24.  Comfort her.  Because sometimes you just need your mommy.  When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is.  Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is.  These are the moments she will remember you for.  And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25.  Be home.  When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her.  When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her.  When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her.  When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her.  She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

My mother, my daughter and I at the airport last summer.

C is for Cooking

I don't know about any kids that you may know, but Lila Jane loves to cook and eat and talk about cooking and eating...

I learned really quickly that when making anything in the kitchen if I didn't give her a task than she'd give herself a task and that task usually involved trying to grab the knife and/or trying to touch the hot stove.

Last summer a friend suggested just letting her hang out in the kitchen and helping, that turned into letting her "help" by washing off the fruit or trying the ingredients and morphed into adding more and more task as she got older and could do more. She helped make appetizers for Valentine's Day and helping with the dishes (what is it about the kitchen sink that draws kids to it?), and puts food into measuring cups. It can get messy, but who cares, she's learning and it's fun!

Enter...Dora and Diego Let's Cook!

Overview from BN:

Dora and Diego teach kids to make awesome (and healthy!) recipes-and learn Spanish along the way.
Just in time for the tenth anniversary of Dora the Explorer-the top-rated preschool program on commercial television-comes Dora and Diego Let's Cook, a cookbook from Nickelodeon that gets kids safely exploring and learning in the kitchen. Guided by Dora and Diego, kids will help measure, stir, shape, and decorate 50 exciting and super-tasty recipes like Pirate Adventure Pizza Coins and Incan Quinoa Pudding-all while learning Spanish words and phrases.
These simple, delicious recipes emphasize healthful ingredients children ...

If you have a kidlet that loves Dora and Diego as much as my kidlet, owning this cookbook is a must. It has a lovely guide at the beginning that helps parents figure out age appropriate tasks for their kiddos to do as they create things like Dora's Backpack Snack Pack, Diego's Silly Snake Sticks and the two we, or should I say Aunt Nellie and the tiny person, made Boot's Banana Pancakes and Tico's Nutty Stuffed French Toast (you can look at these recipes more closely on Amazon).

I look forward to buying more ingredients for these simple recipes and creating more of these wonderful concoctions. There's a silly face salad that Lila Jane is just itching to try.

It also makes excellent bed time reading.
Yes, Lila wanted Aunt Nellie to read the Dora cookbook at bedtime.

50 Books in a Year: Book #53 Twenty Boy Summer

34 years ago my brother died in a car accident, I was  a little over a year old, he was three. I don't remember much about him, save one strange memory of him standing outside the car entertaining me while my mom pumps and pays for gas. I recall the car, the sun sparkling off of the metal on the window and the smell of the summer day mingling with the smell of the gasoline. And, of course, I have the stories, of how he called me Finnie Shell for Stephanie Michelle, how he would chase me around the house, how he could make me laugh...it hurts that I only have these stories and not their memories.

2 years ago I gave birth to a tiny person, I was a little over 33 years old, she was a surprise. I remember everything about the night I found out I was pregnant, everything about the day the doctor confirmed it, showing us the ultrasound of our little girl already 5 months in the making and every moment anxiously awaiting her arrival. And, of course, I have the stories, of how she calls me Mommy and Mom and sometimes Mommy Stephanie, how she comes to school with me on Saturday Publication work days, how she makes me laugh...it hurts to realize I used to think my life was complete without her.

It's these two people, the brother I never knew and the person I didn't know who could make me, well, a better me, that I think about when I think about Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler.

From Goodreads:
"Don’t worry, Anna. I’ll tell her, okay? Just let me think about the best way to do it." "Okay." "Promise me? Promise you won’t say anything?" "Don’t worry.” I laughed. “It’s our secret, right?"  

According to Anna’s best friend, Frankie, twenty days in Zanzibar Bay is the perfect opportunity to have a summer fling, and if they meet one boy every day, there’s a pretty good chance Anna will find her first summer romance. Anna lightheartedly agrees to the game, but there’s something she hasn’t told Frankie–she’s already had her romance, and it was with Frankie’s older brother, Matt, just before his tragic death one year ago. 
TWENTY BOY SUMMER explores what it truly means to love someone, what it means to grieve, and ultimately, how to make the most of every beautiful moment life has to offer.

This book has so much in it and it speaks honestly about love, friendship, family and what it means to grieve the loss of a loved one.

I am more than willing to believe that when you are still grieving the loss of someone you truly love that having sex for the first time helps to heal the wound, that blocking it out and drinking and pretending to have sexual exploits makes it a little easier to be alive and that when your child dies a piece of you dies and living doesn't even seem possible. I believe that each of the characters in this book acts how people act when their hearts hurt so much they can't feel it.

I like that the parents and other grown-ups in this book are ancillary to the true narrative. I do not mind that the girls sneak out of the house to hang out with boys, go to a party by lying and making up imaginary girl friends. I believe that grieving parents who are just as lost as their still alive children, in this case the very lost Frankie, don't know how to act or how to feel, I believe they ignore and believe what they want to believe. Here's what I don't like, here's the part that makes me sad and here's the part that I hope makes me a better parent...neither of the girls talk to their parents about how they feel and I believe Anna's parents, would listen and trying to help. While I don't need to know everything that my daughter is doing or will do I hope that she knows that she can always talk to me and she can always share her most personal thoughts with me. I hope that she knows that I love her no matter what.

Everything in this book is real and honest and tender and I wouldn't change a single word of it.

My niece is reading this book right now and I know that I'm going to make sure this book finds its way into the hands of my daughter and then we can have a talk about love and friendship and when it's appropriate to have sex and I hope that while I am not her peer she sees me as someone to go to when she needs to do so.

While I write this my daughter is singing "Happy Birthday to Mommy", it isn't my birthday until next May, but it sure feels like a celebration.



5 Stars

This book has now become part of my foundation and is an extension of the very essence of me...I laughed, I cried [or some other emotion] and am sad this reading is over...gush, gush, gush...

Last Week in a Nutshell #4

One] The world's longest week began with Promethean Board training in St. Louis. We didn't get back until way late and left at 5.30 in the morning...in the A.M.!!! I gotta tell you though, I love going to these things I learned how to use Twitter with my Promethean (which is like a SMARTboard only better!) and refreshed how to use containers. Not a good way to start the work week though...especially since I had to get up early again on Wednesday for an FTA meeting and we had Parent-Teacher conferences Monday and Tuesday, which made for two 10 hr. days and a very long week, even if we had Friday off!

Two] Lila is Dorothy for Halloween. She has little short fluffy piggy-tails. She looks adorable, I look forward to all the candy she'll be getting...wait, maybe not! I figure I have only a few years of getting to decide what cute adorable outfits she wears for Halloween, must make the most of it!

Three] OK, so I read, in one day, the most beautiful book I've read in a long time. What's even more fun is that it's one of those dreaded banned books! I'll review it and talk more about it later. What I want to talk about is how the author was in Springfield, Missouri talking about its ban at a local high school there and I missed it. I didn't even know! I live an hour away and didn't get a chance to talk to her. Frankly, this is the kind of book I think EVERY teenager should read, it's honest and real and I think that sometimes grown-ups are afraid of these kinds of books, but teenagers know how real they are. Anyway, you should go find Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler and read it right now, and then you should read her blog and then you should fall in love with her...yes, I demand you fall in love with her. It's that good!

Four] My lovely cousin, Lynette, has a blog. This blog is lovely and diverse she talks art, she talks restoration, she talks food and recipes, her garden and a little about her life in Texas, her home state. I love her writing voice and I love her pretty, pretty face!

Six Word Saturday #14

My life in six words
Trips with family are the best!

Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. The full list and linky can be found here. And, here's where I found it.

Six Word Saturday #13

My life in six words
Introducing the adorable couple, my granparents!

*I figured I talked about my grandfather enough that you needed to properly meet my grandparents. My grandfather passed away in 1987 and my grandmother in 1982.

Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. The full list and linky can be found here. And, here's where I found it.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day Four

Day Four: A song that makes you sad

           A few days before Thanksgiving 2002 my Aunt Nesie passed away. I have never and I hope to never feel as lost and as sad as I did the month before and months after her death.
           I love my mother and I love my sisters, but in high school and beyond, my aunt and I had a special friendship. At least one weekend a month I went to her house in the back 40 (ie. Smallette, Missouri) and I would do laundry, pet her one million cats, hang out with my Uncle Wayne and get caught up on family and entertainment gossip.

          When the three of us were little, my aunts became our 2nd parent, buying us clothes when we needed them and taking us places when we had events to go to. One time I especially remember was when my mom and Aunt Nesie came to visit me at Missouri Scholars Academy. As my aunt liked to tell it, they had called to say that they couldn't afford to make it to Columbia to visit me, but when she tried to tell me they weren't going to come to visit, she could hear in my voice how I was trying to be strong, but my 15 year-old self was sad that my family wasn't going to visit on Family Day. So, my aunt and mom got that money for gas, brought home-made sandwiches and we went to Peace park and ate our sandwiches, she said that she'd never seen me happier.

           I will not forget the day that my aunt set me straight about my prejudice against people who didn't go to college. She said, "You know that I didn't go to college and I worked in a factory until I was 40, you don't think that I'm inferior because I didn't get a degree from some school." And, the truth was I didn't, she's one of the handful of people who I can proudly say is the foundation of who I am.

           We didn't know how serious her colon cancer was until close to the end. She played it off as such, until one day we saw one of those dumb Cancer Center of America commerical and she pulled out all the information from the one in Texas and said, "Do you think that I should go here?" She was always thinking of others. During her last months she made me make a budget (because she knew I was horrible with money) and made sure that I had all the family pictures on disk and all the music I wanted off of her computer.

           It was during one of these days and I was downloading country songs and in her raspy voice (the cancer had spread everywhere, including her throat) she told me about the Martina McBride song. "I have been blessed with more than I deserve," she said. Looking around the back bedroom of her trailer I didn't see anything that would make her feel that way, but she pointed out in the hall to Wayne in the living room, the cats outside and to me, and continued, "I have the best family in the world." I went to the bathroom to cry. From her, I learned that worldly possessions are just that...worldly.

           My aunt had about 20 too many cats. My aunt couldn't make an omlette, but her egg scramble was too die for...even if the eggs, green peppers, cheese and sausage tried it's hardest to be an omlette. My aunt didn't like to have her picture taken. I own only one video of her, from my nieces kindergarten graduation. She loved the country and would sit on the porch where I house-sat and just look into the field watching the goats and dogs and chickens feeling the sun and the wind. My aunt learned to quilt from her father. She also learned her temper from her father; you didn't mess with the lady. My aunt lived life to the fullest, my aunt never let me get down on myself and how poor we were or about the fact that we came from a single parent home, she knew that we had everything we needed. I miss her. 

           I know that she sees all that Lila Jane is doing and is probably shocked I have a daughter at all--I wasn't really into boys or family when she knew me. She said that us three girls were her daughters and that she couldn't have wished for better daughters. 

           So, I guess this song, "Blessed" by Martina McBride,  makes me sad for a minute and then I remember all of the life and love that came from this strawberry blonde woman and I know that it is because of her and her outlook on life that I have been blessed with more than I deserve.


Easter with the Joseph sisters and Aunt Nesie in good 'ole Mansfield, MO, 1985.



Feel free to join in by commenting below (I really do love comments, on fb or here), or doing this challenge on your own blog.

The 30 Day Song Challenge

Day 01 – Your favorite song
Day 02 -- Your least favorite song

Day 03 -- A song that makes you happy
Day 04 – A song that makes you sad
Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06 – A song that reminds of you of somewhere
Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to
Day 09 – A song that you can dance to
Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 – A song from your favorite band
Day 12 – A song from a band you hate
Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 – A song that describes you
Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 – A song from your favorite album
Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 – A song from your childhood
Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year