Thursday, June 13, 2013

Lifetime Movies: The Drinking Game

Here's the deal, I've got a rather big confession to make. I love Lifetime movies. This includes all those Sunday night movies from the 80s, Hallmark movies, and any movie that actually came out in the movie theatres that should have been a LTM--you know what movies I'm talking about Dying Young and Stepmom (what's up with the sappy movies, Julia?) and Sweet November come to mind.

I am now at the time in my summer where I'm spending my free time reading books and watching Lifetime movies. They're my favorite time-wasters, what's not to like about them? They have pretty people, romance, drama, excellent dialogue, superb acting, catchy titles and wonderful life lessons. They can be watched alone, tissue in hand (admit it, some of them really do pull at your heart-strings) or with a group where all of the above become a way for you to let off steam as you laugh at/with (?) the people and plot.

I believe the best joy of a LTM is that I can love and be totally in one of these movies while still laughing my butt off at the absurdity of it all. Of course, this brings to me my next point and to the title of my post...I have no idea why I've never thought of this before, LTMs should be a drinking game! I've googled and found several, but they don't really address some of the finer points of the reasons why I watch LTMs--the points that require the cerebrum. My friend and I decided the drinking game would be more fun if we drank kool-aide instead of alcoholic beverages (as lame/cheesetastic movies call for lame/cheesetastic entertainment), although I see how it could go either way, especially after a stressful week of grading and such.

So, here's the game, and, yes, I know this may be the most inappropriate post I've ever written, but I really wanted to share...really, really, really.

Take a drink every time...
  • there's a flashback. Take two drinks if the flashback is hazy because there's some sort of filter on the lens or if the flashback is in black and white when the rest of the movie is in color.
  • the mother is wretchedly horrible. Take another if that means the mother lies to 'protect' her children. Take another if the mother plots to or actually kills someone to 'protect' her children.
  • someone dies. Guzzle if the death is the major plot point of the movie and requires tears from the audience.
  • if the actors look at the camera, therefore breaking the fourth wall.
  • the death of someone is mentioned, especially if it's a catalyst for a life-changing event.
  • you see or hear the mention of a diary/journal/old letters.
  • if the movie is based on a true story.
  • you cry.
  • a woman cries. Take two if a man cries. Take another if he cries because of some sort of abuse reversal.
  • there's a montage. Add another if that montage is in a flashback.
  • there's an 'inappropriate' relationship. You be the judge of what's inappropriate. My favorites are step-children falling in love with each other and May-December romances where the woman is older and the man is almost not a man. Drink another if someone you are with doesn't understand your definition of 'inappropriate', you prude!
  • oh, heck, guzzle during the 15 minutes of the movie that has the couple yearning as they go their different ways--although they don't want to do so. at. all. If the whole movie revolves around this plot point, um, you may be drunk or have to pee (for those kool-aide drinkers) by the end.
  • drink if there are bandages. Drink more if there are crutches. Drink more if there's a terminal illness. Drink more if there are missing limbs. If those missing limbs are due to an accident or a war, pass your drink to a friend make sure the friend drinks before giving it back.
  • if it's Christmas.
  • if it's Thanksgiving.
  • when the title is mentioned (and, it will be mentioned, however, some are more subtle than others). If the title is the name of a person, drink every time that person is called by name. If the title is also in the title away.
  • if there are abandoned children. Take 3 drinks if those abandoned children become killers.
  • if there are children and the adults are hard to find or are dumb or act like children.
  • every time you notice the 'acting'...shout 'acting' before drinking.
  • guzzle if a person of color is in the lead-role and this person actually just has a normal he isn't accused of a crime or...oh, wait, there are no LTMs that have people of color in lead roles. Drink if there's actually a person of color in the movie at all. Drink two if that person is defying a stereotype. Drink again because you recognized said stereotype--shame on you.
  • if the guy is persistent and it doesn't seem creepy or stalkerish in any way. 
  • if the movie was once a book. Drink again if you knew that without looking it up. Drink again if you had to look it up, why didn't you already read the book?
  • if there's a voice-over. Drink again if the voice-over is during the montage.
  • if you fall in love with the romantic lead (male or female) at the end of the movie.
  • if there's a:
    • cheerleader, sports player, doctor, lawyer-1 drink
    • artist or writer-2 drinks 
    • a divorced woman in mourning-3 drinks
    • a divorced man in mourning-4 drinks
    • a dentist-5're going to need them as the movie is going to be pretty intense
Best played with the following:
Brian's Song
Dancing at the Harvest Moon
Doing Time on Maple Drive
For the Very First Time
A Kidnapping in the Family (or, as my friend calls it, "My Mom Stole My Baby")
Our House (or, as another friend of mine and I like to call it, "Ruth's Roses")
She Fought Alone
Sin of Innocence
The Love Letter
The Promise
Thursday's Child
[insert your favorite LTM here]

More games can be found here (warning these don't call for kool-aide): HeadDesk, Philolzophy


  1. Oh my word, I literally laughed out loud at there. I just watched a LTM of The 19th Wife last night and wanted to cry within 5 minutes of them abusing the novel. I would probably be in hospital for alcohol poisoning if I followed all those rules, but I am so tempted to try this.

    LTM are sooo bad they're absurdly entertaining. I tried watching Liz & Dick when that aired, but made it through about 15 minutes before I couldn't stand La Lohan's attempts at acting. Horrible, horrible film. However, I may give it another go with this drinking game (and never make it through because I'll pass out 25 minutes in).

    *goes off to print out the rules*

  2. hilarious! Liz & Dick would have to be a great movie to do this with...still laughing at how fun that would be!m

    didn't know "The 19th Wife" was a movie...must go find it!



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