A Challenge for February

A few weeks ago I asked to review the book One Month to Love: 30 Days to Grow and Deepen Your Closest Relationships. I figured February would be a great month to work on becoming closer to my family and other loved ones that are meaningful and essential to my life and I can tell you this isn't something I can do on my own.

I was a little leery of the book, thinking that it would be a little hokey or, like those diet books that guarantee results, a little too big on the hype and too focused at the results at the end of a certain amount of days. I am glad that it is not. I am glad that it seems approachable and contradicts those books that want to be quick fixes.

The book is divided up into 4 week segments:

•  The Art of Being Free 
•  The Art of Acting Intentionally 
•  The Art of Risking Awkwardness 
•  The Art of Letting Go

The authors of the book want you to approach the book as a challenge.

"Just read a chapter each day....At the end of each chapter you'll find the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships."

They even have a website where you can log on and monitor your own progress. I look forward to delving into this easy to understand and purposeful book as I grow deeper into my relationships with those that matter the most.

30 Days of Truth: Something You Love About Yourself

I found this meme here and here.

Two: Something You Love About Yourself
There are many things I love about myself...my vast pop-culture knowledge, my mixed heritage, my family, hmm, I don't know if these are actually things about myself, like the deep within me self, but they are things I like about me.

I love that I am self-aware.

I am amazed that there are people who aren't self-aware.

I don't do things I know I can't do. I know when I'm being lazy. I know when I'm working too hard or not enough. When someone asks me a question, I can answer truthfully because I've already thought about the answer or because I think about the answer and, if I can't do either, I say, "Here's my gut reaction, but let me think about that. Unless you like my gut reaction."

I wonder if I learned this from my mother???

L is for Love

All of this talk of my preschooler and my love for her has brought me to a very important topic my love for Christopher and how hard it is to nurture that love when you've got a 2 year old around. For the last month-ish we've been working on that as a couple...

First, we've been reading the books For Men Only and For Women Only...I talk a little bit about that here.

And, I've been working on devising a year's worth of dates...

Chris likes playing games so there will be a lot of fun in pulling a date idea out of a basket or jar. I have many, many, many baskets just lying around and Date Night in a Jar by Life in the Green House gives such broad but entertaining topics, all of which are color coordinated in groups.

Examples include expensive, as in let's go out and spend some time and money dates:

• Dinner at a fancy restaurant
• Hotel stay for the night
• Concert and dinner (his choice)
• Concert and dinner (my choice)
• Weekend away

Inexpensive dates:

• Dinner and a movie (my choice and his choice)
• Laser tag and go carts
• Mexican night 
• Dessert only date
• Coffee Date

And,  let's stay at home dates (for us that would require a babysitter, who will take the kiddo with them to their home):

• Takeout and board games
• 1,000 piece puzzle and pizza (he would like this one, I would just die...painfully)
• Football game and nachos
• Popcorn and a chick-flick
• Make a dessert together
• THE MENTALIST marathon
• Homemade pizzas and an Italian movie

Chris and Stephanie sitting in a tree...

Finding Joy in the Journey's Let's Go on a Date are 12 dates neatly packaged and prepared. Love Actually: Creative Ideas for Romance On A Budget has so many wonderful ideas that I haven't even gotten to them all yet, however, they are wonderfully categorized under "Ideas". The topics are: Date Night, Day to Day Romance, Lovey Dovey Gifts, "Heart"y Foods, Romantic Home Decor, Holidays, Loving From A Distance, Students in Relationships, Couples Group Dates, Married with Kids.

I may document these I may not...some things are just better without pictures.

Final analysis: Lots of date ideas with the time and the means to have at least one a month as a gift when Chris will least expect them...the month of June.

Here's where I've been inspired and where I've gotten my ideas

1. Date Night in a Jar
2. Let's Go On a Date
3. Love Actually...so many good ideas so little time

55 Books in a Year: Book #11 For Men Only: A Straightforward Map to the Inner Lives of Women

I'd like to premise this book review by first saying this book, For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn isn't quite as cheesy as I thought it was going to be, although there are parts that are so obnoxiously cheesetastic that my husband and I laughed a little at the absurdity.

I was reading an article the other day and it said that married people don't talk enough about the wonderfulness that is marriage. And, I thought to myself that I totally fall into that category my husband can make me angry as hell (frankly, I'm angry with him right now...and, he's in the other room playing the guitar...probably, um, angry at me too!), but I love him, I also like him and I like him to know all of that. I do think that marriage is work, though, and I think that those who don't make it look like work are working at that, but it doesn't mean the work can't be fun!

The Story
I wanted us to have something for Valentine's Day that we both could benefit from...don't get me wrong I wanted flowers and dinner too, but I wanted our presents to have meaning. I remembered a girl from work reading these books with her fiance and thought they would be a good idea for us.

Some plusses

• If your husband is like mine...you can still read this book all the way and he can use the Quick Start Guide which is included in the book and has 6 key components (Reassurance, Emotions, Security, Listening, Sex and Beauty) and where to find them throughout the book.
• This book talks about the fact that the biggest problem with marriage is communication and then it shares ideas about how to fix this. I like that those ideas aren't incredibly secular, nor are they dirty.
• If you buy the two books together (For Couples Only) they also come with this handy-dandy guide, which includes "12 Tips to Get Great Results from For Couples Only" my favorite being the one where you switch books (which is what we did, if you're wondering why I read this book clearly labeled for men) and answer the questions and mark it up et cetera and then you get to read your book with your partners comments.
• It works for either marrieds or seriously thinking about getting marrieds.

Some not so plusses

• I'm just going to say this and hope that no one gets offended, because it is steeped in good Christian living, it can be a bit old-fashioned...ok, it can be a lot old fashioned. For instance, Chapter 7 is titled The Girl in the Mirror and is sub-titled "What the little girl inside your woman is dying to hear from you--and how to guard your answer well." What does she want to hear? That her spouse finds her 'beautiful' and that her husband 'only has eyes for her'. Barf. And, while the chapter does end with some wonderful advice about the words 'fine' and 'no'...all I could keep thinking was I am not a pet.
• I hear the For Women Only book is hokier...I wouldn't know because, well, my husband hasn't finished it yet!

I really liked reading this book and marking it up. I liked learning what I feel makes a relationship and what I think makes it work and I like that my husband not gets to see what I think...that's so much easier than trying to talk about feelings. I'm not sure I'll feel the same way reading the next book with marks that aren't mine, but I will work at making that work. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Five Love Languages

Several years ago I was involved in a church small group and we read The Five Love Languages. I have

since lent this book to countless people, but have forgotten what it meant to me to begin with and how it influenced my thoughts and actions. I really like that book because Dr. Chapman talks about the 5 types of love languages and then gives you ways to help you better yours to others and ways to help you communicate with those who have a love language diferent than your own.

I've taken the quiz again and you can too!

5 Love Language Quiz

Here are the love languages according to Chapman:

Words of Affirmation

Actions speak louder than words.

Quality Time

Giving someone your undivided attention.

Receiving Gifts

Everyday gestures and little gifts mean so much.

Acts of Service

Feel loved through the actions of others.

Physical Touch

Literal physical presence, acts of affection and availability.

This is me:
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

This is my husband:

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important–hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

While some of the stories are cheesy I remember feeling that I did really understand where Dr. Chapman was coming from because of the examples he gave and the fact that if you aren't communicating your needs to someone or translating what someone else is saying in their way of loving, you are missing out on the best parts of a relationship. I really enjoyed this study and think I need to read the book again...as soon as I get it back from who borrowed it!