Women Stop Slamming Other Women to Get Your Point Across. The End.

Of course, I was raised by and have grown up
with some pretty powerful and strong women
who have done it all without complaint.

Ok, so I first read this very long list of articles when I saw the link on Yahoo ("Um, yes, Yahoo is where I get my news," she says sheepishly). I was not shocked by anything that Amy Glass says in her article, frankly, I still think some of those things after having a husband and a kid. I am tired of people accepting and making me do less because I have a family at home. Having a family should not be an excuse for not doing your job at the best of your ability, having a family does not take away my drive or ambition. I am not anything less than the person I already am. I just have a kid that gets 100% of my time, but not all the time. I loved this quote from The Awakening before I got pregnant and I love it even more now that my kid is four years old.

"I would give up the unessential; I would give my money, I would give my life for my children, but I wouldn't give myself." 

And, truly "myself" belongs to me.

But, I digress.

Here's a link to the original post, some of it can be quite harsh, but, as she suggest in her follow up post (Is The Point of Having Kids Just to Not Be Lonely?) and as your preacher suggest every Sunday morning, if there's something that makes you feel guilt/upset/unhappiness/anger think about why it does. So, here's the link and the most controversial of the quotes with my two cents. I mean quotes not counting the already quite controversial and scathing title. Then after this are some responses with my two cents. Enjoy!?

I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I'm Not Sorry

Me and my sisters

• Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit. I think it is about every choice a woman makes, but I understand what she is saying as there are women who blindly commit to what they feel is right without taking into account their own happiness. That has been the plight of women all along. The problem is that there are women who feel that women are incomplete UNTIL they get married and have kids, as if that's our only purpose (even God says otherwise) and there are some women that feel they have done something horrible if they SUCCUMB to marriage and kids. They feel their lives are meant for something more. There is no more, but there also is no less. If we are doing what we know to be right and we are not acting like martyrs about that fact. We are being strong females.
• Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? "Equal footing" Yes. Better than? No. Less than? No.
• Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average? Frankly, I said this very thing while I was pregnant, "Please don't make me have a Shower, anyone can get pregnant, let's not celebrate it." I know you might this ironic, but I'm actually a very private person. I don't need my personal accomplishments blasted all over for them to be accomplishments. I know they are and that's all that matters. I mean I got married in Vegas for pete sakes and am not upset that only a handful of people came. I didn't get married for people. I got married for me. Were the
  
  Showers fun? Sure. But, I hate that now because of it there are people who think "Wow, Stephanie has a softer side/cries/has feelings." I always had those feelings, I don't have to show them for them to exist. I don't have to have a kid for you to know that I work hard, am caring, thoughtful, value my time with my friends and my family. Average? I know that in the USA we seem to only think of things in black and white and if a woman is a successful person she must hate kids and family and if she's a stay at home mom (SAHM) she must not have any drive or life goals. Why can't we have both? I think the main thing is 'settling' I hope that no woman settles into having a career if she wants to be a SAHM and I hope that women are SAHMs by choice. Honestly, some women are so bitter or so pontificating in how happy they must be that I wonder. Don't forget 'choice' means you can change your mind.
• I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance. Single Women Showers happen all the time. Women buy their own diamonds all the time. Throw a shower for your friend for any of these things. Ask me to plan it and I'll say "No." Ask me to attend and I probably won't, but my married friends can attest, I barely make it to weddings, showers et cetera ( I barely made it to my own--but that's a different story or two)...it's all equal in my eyes.
• You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids. Not true, it just means you never sleep. I miss sleep. However, I have chosen this life. To quote a former student and younger sister to a dear friend, "I do what I want." That means that sometimes I start writing a blog post at 5am or I read a book while the husband entertains (sometimes is forced to entertain) the kid in the living room. It means there are weeks when I'm not home because I have to get the magazine put to bed or I have to go to a conference. It means that most of the time the husband cooks dinner if he wants it before 7.30p (which is when I'd have it). It means that Saturday Work days with the journalism kids means I bring my kid. It means that when I work on Sunday afternoons I usually bring the kid. (Of course, all that means is that the husband 'gets' more free time than me, but I'm not hating, I would like it to be reciprocal, but at the same time I LOVE being around my kid, she's funny and smart and great to talk to). It's not selfish. We both have a kid. We both must be equally responsible about that. Equally. We both must give up some of our personal time as a sacrifice sometimes to the other and sometimes to the kid. It is a sacrifice. I don't have to be a martyr about it. It's what good parents (stay at home or otherwise) do. It's what I want to do. It's not only mothers who have this duality though. Single women play dual roles (I remember thinking I spent too much time at work and so on...), and so do men...um, I've never asked the husband if he wants me to take the kid everywhere I go, I just do because I want to because I'd miss her. Maybe he doesn't want to work on the car/drink beer/watch TV as much as I think he does. Maybe he misses her too.
• I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.

  

  Me and the person I would give my life for.

  Hmmm...maybe this is the reason I never talk about it, maybe this is the reason I sometimes resent those that do and I sometimes resent those who think I work too hard because I should be a 'mother' more. Managing a household is hard, my mother did it without a husband, but she had lovely sisters and parents to help her more than I realized at the time. I go back to the black and white thing. We don't have to bash women who manage a household to raise up those who do not. We can have it both ways. I do think there are women out there who like to show you their martyrdom no matter if it's at work or at home. It's not because they think they are doing less, it's not because they lack real accomplishments, it's because they are whiny. Um, there are whiny men too! Duh! God gave you a job, now do it!
• Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. Women will be equal with men when we value our work regardless of what it is. When we understand that we each have different roles and different ways we play out those roles. Candace Cameron Bure isn't entirely off her rocker. I'm a firm believer that when a man is fulfilling his role, than a woman can fulfill hers. When we work together to raise one another up, when we stop creating our own dividing line we can be a unified whole. Women are not less than when they are married or have kids. Women are not less than when they aren't in control of everything and men aren't less than when they listen to and understand and are sensitive to women. Neither are women.

Dear Feminazi Amy Glass

This one has some wonderful points You see, there should never be a comparison of a woman who decides to devote herself to her family and the importance of a sound structured home life to a woman who devotes herself to her work and taking care of herself.  Both are equally respectable choices for an individual to make. Your mistake, in my opinion, is deciding that one should be better than the other.

True... Ms. Glass, some women choose to stay at home to raise a family because they feel their sacrifice to do so is important to them, not you. 

True... Have you ever considered that for some women their “dream job” as you called in your blog is to raise a family? Who are you Ms. Glass to suggest that she is wrong to feel that way?

What??? I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest you are a liberal. I say this because some liberal females (not all) suggest this type of “feminism” to the extreme as if the many possibilities of a woman’s choice don’t exist.  

Back to some loveliness... You know Ms. Glass, I have a friend who chose to remain single and owns her own business as a career, but her focus is not whether or not she remains single or decides to marry and start a family, but simply to do her best each day for herself and those who are important.

OK, fine... It’s called having mutual respect. You might want to try that philosophy sometime; it may just get you further in life.

Surround yourself with
strong women. That's what
I always say...

And, the bite is back! P.S.  My apologies if you are actually a world renowned scientist who has found a cure for cancer and just writes a pithy blog on her spare time criticizing random people whose choices have nothing to do with you.

I Look Down On Women Who Troll Women with Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry

Again, I agree, but do we have to cut one woman (or, women who think like her) to elevate our point? Amy gets an A for writing some rage-bait, and an F for her opinion.

Saying that women who choose to be moms and wives rather than being a doctor or an engineer are not as important as women who do choose those paths isn’t a new notion, it’s something that women contemplate and struggle with and face everyday. 

Why the dis at the end? We hear you Amy, but it’s not like we haven’t heard it a gazillion times before, by writers a lot more eloquent than you.

Why the dis at the end? I love me some ragey click bait. ...And I think every woman should be allowed to have her opinion, no matter how “wrong” and misguided I feel their opinion is.

Really? It’s fine that this writer doesn’t see raising a family as being valuable. As someone raising a family I feel differently. But I just can’t muster the energy to care about fighting this notion when I have laundry to do.

Um, do you? To me that’s a lot more important that arguing with someone bloviating on the internet.

I Feel Sorry for Amy Glass and I'm Not Ashamed

And, this one, why so hateful? At the end of it, I want to apologize to Amy Glass. Heck! I want to apologize to every woman I know... First of all, getting married and having kids ARE milestones. Not everyone can do either, even fewer can do both. Well ok, let’s compromise. Pretty much anyone can GET married. It’s STAYING married that takes commitment and the ability to put someone else’s needs above your own. Clearly divorce rates show that this is not as easily achieved as one might think.

As for having babies, roughly half of the worlds population lacks the actual biological components, and those who do have the correct parts are not guaranteed an ability to produce a child. Add in the fact that a growing number of women abort their children and your total number of women who can successfully bring a baby to term has been significantly decreased.

Ok, we get it without having to go here... Based on your article I will assume you have been unable to do either, so maybe it’s not as easy as you think.

Or, here...ouch, really, ouch. Shorter version is, tomorrow I could become a writer and replace you. It might take an hour or two to learn about what you do, but the fact is you are easily replaceable. I am not. You could not replace me. You don’t have the skills. And when the Zombie apocalypse hits and skills other than ‘writing‘ are necessary, you’re getting left outside the fence. Try not to get eaten. 

Society Still Needs Family Women

Starts off so much in my head and then...Many mothers today have a career, and there is nothing wrong with that. A strong woman will be able to balance taking their child to soccer practice with all of the other aspects of life that are thrown at her on a daily basis. 

Not true...do we really need to compare? Aren't they both just being the best versions of themselves? A woman who decides to stay at home to take care of the home, to take care of the children, and to take care of everyone’s needs is stronger than any CEO of any large company in this world. 

Who wants to deny this kid that she can do it all???

And, I loathe the proliferation of stereotypes to prove a point...the role of men has changed. It has changed and is still trying to adapt to this 'modern woman'... The women who have raised children know what I am talking about. They have witnessed and experienced life in ways that men cannot even dream. Men are conditioned to get a job, take care of the family, come home, and do it against the next day. They are the protectors of the family from outside forces that may be too much for the women and children to handle on their own. This is what society sees the male in a relationship as. That has not really changed much with time, but the role of the woman has and has grown to be the person who stays at home to cook and clean to the person who cooks, cleans, buys clothes, buys food, works for her own money, and helps when the bills come in the mail...

Really? I'm not sure why somebody needs to experience it to understand it. I think we need to talk about the joys of both more. The woman who can juggle work outside the home with everything else in the home may just be the true master of the castle, so to speak. The woman who puts down other women for wanting a family does not see the joy that those women get because that woman has yet to experience it. She has not experienced the love of someone else, the joy of giving birth to a child, or raising a family like many women today still do. 

Really? Those children grow up to be parents themselves, and who is the first person they think back to when they are trying to figure out how to raise their own child or how to juggle all of life’s responsibilities at one time?

Their mother!

I Think People Without Kids Have Empty Lives and I'm Not Sorry About It

Um, who says? I never thought of myself as the kind of person who judges other people’s choices. But after spending enough of my life with kids and without, I can’t deny what I really feel: It’s a perfectly fine choice to never become a parent, but there is absolutely no chance that your life will be as full or meaningful, or that you will learn as many essential truths about existence, as you would if you had kids.

True, but you can have empathy, and don't we all need a little more of that?! (and, let's add "until you've" become a teacher, doctor, lawyer, policemen, person of the opposite sex, different race, different religion and so on...) There are certain truths about life that you literally cannot know until you’ve become a parent. 

You are not less a person because you cannot do the following...you are not more of a person if you can... Watching a new life come to exist and seeing your child discover everything for the first time, from their nose to snow to seeing Terminator for the first time, and develop language and social skills and the first time they feel an emotion for the first time and you see all of that and a million other thing happen organically…when you get to see first hand what feelings and thoughts and personality traits occur naturally, what we’re born with versus what we are taught…literally every moment of being a parent, if you’re thoughtful and observant, is a mind-blowing opportunity to learn the most basic things about what it means to be human. There is not a single other thing you can do in your life that gives you access to that. 

Why? I don’t think people are somehow bad or wrong for not having kids – I just think it’s really, deeply sad. I feel tremendously sad for them.

Judging Other People Does Not Make You Exceptional: An Open Letter to Amy Glass

And, just, well, just ouch. If you keep this up, the only real impact you will have on the world when you die is the grass, if any, that chooses to grow on your grave. And instead of having “Loving Friend, Wife, and Mother” written on your gravestone, it will just be your name. And every person who passes by your grave will never remember your accomplishments, because you were too busy judging everyone else to make a real difference. 

Me and some of the non-judgmental women in my life.

So to sum it all up: Seriously, I think Amy Glass and I could be friends, we'd have lots to argue about and, um, she'd keep me on my toes and, hopefully that would be reciprocal.  I'm not sure how I feel about the women who've written their responses...I'm not sure that fighting fire with fire is the answer here, or ever really. Let's be honest with ourselves, Amy Glass wrote this post so those that are the opposite of her would bite and bite they did. 

After reading all of those articles I just felt overwhelmed and a little sad for the state of womanhood today. I think we could all use a good dose of empathy. Maybe Amy Glass just needs more friends who have families who don't make their families seem like a sacrifice they and only they alone against the world can make, maybe we need to spend less time talking down to her and her view points and more time examining our own because, wow, all I'm feeling is so far is a lot of woman on woman hate, and that includes you Amy Glass! Honestly, women, let's stop bashing other women to get our point across. Let's hang out more. Let's talk to one another about our lives, our successes, our failures, our children, our love lives more. Let's put the 'shoe on the other foot' and stop hating. Let's be the most successful versions of ourselves and let's push other women to do the same. 

30 Days of Truth: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

I found this meme here and here.

Seven: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

Midnight at the Oasis...

I have this love-affair with antiques (mostly from the MCM era). My friend had a whole slew of Franciscan Oasis in blue. I wanted it. She was selling. I told Chris. Lo, and behold, it arrived on Christmas. I was ecstatic, I was jubilant! I said, "I can't believe you actually bought me all of the pieces." He said, "I wouldn't have if I didn't think they were cool." Who knew we both have a love for all things mid-century?

Don't mind the mess or the sleeping kid in the background,
it's Christmas day! I'm not sure what my excuse is the other
days of the year...

Saucer

Round Cereal Bowls - set of 2

Oval Vegetable Bowls - set of 2 

Dinner Plates - set of 4 

Gravy Boat 

Bread Plates - set of 2

I shall spend the rest of my days looking for all of the pieces I don't have. Oh, and we haven't used them yet. I just touch them and look at them in their cabinet.

I Wanna Go Home...

So, I'm in Chicago for a conference. It's my second faraway conference this summer. I gotta tell you I used to enjoy this little trips and would spend the whole summer blowing my extra money traveling. Last summer my kiddo and I traveled several places together and this summer I've had these conferences.

Here's what I thought would happen
1] I would go on my trip
2] I would read a lot...heck, I would catch up on all my reading on the plane and in the hotel room
3] I'd go to bed early
4] I'd sleep in
5] I'd take long baths
6] I'd watch TV

And, while some of those things happened in Vegas...I found they weren't nearly as fun as I wanted them to be. I've gotten used to...being interrupted during long baths or short showers and one can only watch so many "Law and Order" episodes uninterrupted before one gets scared of being in a hotel room alone. I know, I know...maybe I shouldn't have watched sooo many SVU episodes.

Anyway, I missed my kiddo. Heck, I missed Chris too, although he was there for all but the last two days, and we'd done some seen some awesome sites (such as the Hard Rock, the Hofbrauhaus, and Absinthe...all things we couldn't have accomplished with the kidlet with us)! And, although I went out with some ladies I met and we tagged around for lunch and dinner and such, I wanted to come home.

I was reminded of some of the terms (I'm only giving you the definitions, each one has a fun anecdote) Kristin van Ogtrop uses in her book, a book I go to for a laugh or cry when things feel a bit rough, Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom:

Absentee Parenthood: The state of being that sometimes defines your life and is by turns depressing and wonderful.  There are wonderful things about being an absentee parent, namely taking business trips that involve staying in a hotel room all by yourself, or having vital work meetings that keep you from going on the field trip to the local recycling plant. ...There are depressing moments too...

Family-friendly living: The happy-sad reality that your family is actually much, much better off because you work. And we're not just talking about the money. 

Guilt curve: The process by which your feelings of shame and inadequacy about being a working mom grow and then diminish. In my experience, the guilt curve is a bell curve, peaking when your first child reaches kindergarten, with a long tail that lasts until the day of your funeral. 

Homeward bound: The powerful drive you feel to get back into your house at the end of the day. The drive is so powerful, in fact, that sometimes it makes you do things that are irrational or completely out of character.  

Kill the messenger: The action you must take in order to forget about the office for a time--that is, to remove your BlackBerry/iPhone/Treo/whatever from your person and store it as far away as your neurotic self will allow...Any working mom worth her salt knows that it's the integrate-separate ratio between work and home that determines long-term working-motherhood success.

Strangely, it's nice to have people to come home to, it makes me happy to know that I've reached that place in my life were 'having people to come home to' is something I cherish. And, while I feel like I can handle the duality of being a working mother, I really must figure out a way to be gone less next summer...or, take the kiddo with me!

I think I may like my family and I look forward to seeing them tomorrow...

BAND April Discussion (in May): Quirky

Kim over at Sophisticated Dorkiness (my Christmas Card Exchange partner) has another blog that she co-authors titled BAND: Blogger's Alliance of Non-fiction Devotees and if you want to participate, this is what you do...from the About Us section:

How to Participate 

Our main online headquarters is this blog and this is where you can find any updates you need.  

Each month, a different nonfiction blogger will post a topic for discussion, which we’ll post a link to here. To participate, write up a response to their topic — as long or short as you’d like — for your blog at any time during the month. Please also leave a link to your response at the original topic post so the host can write up a wrap-up at the end of the month. 

April's topic

I'm just going to focus on one little book called The Secret Life of Beer.

Here's what the back says:

Discover the mysteries of the fermented beverage, revealed at last in this intriguing book of cultural history, poetry, song, little-known facts, and quirky quotes by beer drinkers from Nietzsche to Darwin.

This is one of those little chunky books that you can buy at the front of Barnes and Noble, while you wait in line and it used to sit on the coffee table in my husband's living room before we were married. I, for one, that I was going to skim through some Beerfest-esque beer knowledge. While stuff like that is in this little guy, it also contains pertinent information about how beer influences every aspect of our lives.

I did read it in one setting though.

S is for Singing...as in we love ourselves some music!

My friend Becky, the same one who had the idea for the topic for my A to Z, had a wonderful topic for the letter 'M', however, I already had an 'M'...I've moved it to 'S'. Here's what she said would be a good topic:

"Music you really have liked throughout the last 15 years and ones you think you would want to share with Lila. Everytime I listen to my U2 I think of you. Maybe you could share a few songs that happened during certain times in your life and what challenges you overcame at that time, or what the song meant to you...Or your first song you and Chris both liked, as well as Lila's first song."

And, here are my thoughts...

I can chart my life by music. I didn't realize how nostalgic this made me until I got old enough to have life moments worth remembering. Benny Goodman, Cliff Richards and "The Grease" soundtrack remind of weekends at my grandparents house. "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac reminds me of the moment I realized I loved this boy in high school; that song also reminds me of the huge fight we had that damaged our friendship. If I want to remember significant high school moments I just pop in the "Boomerang" soundtrack or listen to a little NKOTB or Ace of Base. Yesterday I was just talking about slow dancing to "November Rain". I can chart every moment of my college career by song; DC Talk and Jars of Clay, "The Reality Bites" soundtrack, Oasis, Tim McGraw, "Dare to Care" concerts and Mazzy Starr. I remember sitting in the living room of a house I shared with friends talking and listening to Sheryl Crow's, "If It Makes You Happy"...I remember this moment like it was yesterday...my cat Winnie is at my feet and the smell of a cake we just baked is wafting from the blue walled kitchen. I knew that Chris and I would get along just fine when we spent a night listening to music and talking about our memories we pretty much went through our own personal catalogs of music and events. I knew that our relationship was perfect, when we bought tickets for the opening U2 show in Chicago.

The thing is I think that every single moment of life is wonderful and marvelous. I think that they should not be forgotten.

It just makes sense that I would chart our lives with Lila in the same manner. For my personal baby-shower I made the following compilation for each guest. I wanted a list of songs that I enjoyed that were all about raising and loving little girls. We also had U2's "Vertigo Tour" DVD playing in the background.

Baby Girl CD

Sugar, Sugar The Archies                      

Gracie Ben Folds Five                 

She's Gotta Way Billy Joel                             

Where You Lead I Will Follow Carole King and Louise Gaffin                   

Never Grow Old The Cranberries                              

It Won't Be Like This for Long  Darius Rucker                  

Sweet Child O' Mine Guns and Roses                              

Amazing Janelle                

Intelligentactile 101 Jesca Hoop                       

Little Miss Magic Jimmy Buffet                   

There Goes My Life Kenny Chesney                              

Time of Your Life Little Steven                     

In My Daughter's Eyes Martina McBride                            

Seven Years Norah Jones                     

Songbird Oasis                   

Little Wonders Rob Thomas                     

Pretty Dress Rosie Thomas                  

My Little Girl Tim McGraw                    

Original of the Species U2                        

My Darling Wilco     

The other day I came home from being away for the whole weekend, Chris and Lila were just vegging on the couch watching the waving PS3 screensaver listening to Pink Floyd. One time in the not to distant past, Chris came home and we were watching the videos and dancing around to:

"Dog Days" by Florence + the Machine

"1, 2, 3, 4" by Fiest

For the most part, however, on her own Lila has pretty chees-tastic taste...I can only assume that all 2 year-olds are like this and would prefer:

Elmo and India Arie singing the ABCs

"10 Little Numbers"...and, if you sing it "10 Little Indians" she will freak!

Chris and I are both lovers of music and from an early age we have instilled that love into our daughter.
At 7-months she would hum along to:

"From Where I'm Standing" by Schulyer Fisk in the movie I Am Reed Fish

Music she likes and will seek out
Pop music, every kid goes through this phase and I can jam out to Justin Bieber, "High School Musical" and Selena Gomez right along with her..."I love you like a love song, baby"...try getting that out of your head.
The first song she every sang the words to was:

"Rhythm of Love" by The Plain White Ts...we just call this the Ba-Ba Song

The thing is our musical taste have seeped into her everyday thoughts. I know that my kiddo will have no choice but to like U2 and Coldplay and Michael Jackson, just as I know that I have no choice about liking Elvis and Abba and Michael Jackson. This is the kind of music that I grew up with and I have wonderful memories associated with every song. I hope that when Lila Jane turns 35 she can say the same.

For more about my life in music, check out my 30 Day Song Challenge.

"Music & Me"
Michael Jackson

We've been together for such a long time now
Music, music and me
Don't care whether all our songs rhyme
Now music, music and me

Only know wherever I go
We're as close as two friends can be
There have been others
But never two lovers
Like music, music and me

Grab a song and come along
You can sing your melody
In your mind you will find
A world of sweet harmony

Birds of a feather we'll fly together
Now music, music and me
Music and me

L is for Love

All of this talk of my preschooler and my love for her has brought me to a very important topic my love for Christopher and how hard it is to nurture that love when you've got a 2 year old around. For the last month-ish we've been working on that as a couple...

First, we've been reading the books For Men Only and For Women Only...I talk a little bit about that here.

And, I've been working on devising a year's worth of dates...

Chris likes playing games so there will be a lot of fun in pulling a date idea out of a basket or jar. I have many, many, many baskets just lying around and Date Night in a Jar by Life in the Green House gives such broad but entertaining topics, all of which are color coordinated in groups.

Examples include expensive, as in let's go out and spend some time and money dates:

• Dinner at a fancy restaurant
• Hotel stay for the night
• Concert and dinner (his choice)
• Concert and dinner (my choice)
• Weekend away

Inexpensive dates:

• Dinner and a movie (my choice and his choice)
• Laser tag and go carts
• Mexican night 
• Dessert only date
• Coffee Date

And,  let's stay at home dates (for us that would require a babysitter, who will take the kiddo with them to their home):

• Takeout and board games
• 1,000 piece puzzle and pizza (he would like this one, I would just die...painfully)
• Football game and nachos
• Popcorn and a chick-flick
• Make a dessert together
• THE MENTALIST marathon
• Homemade pizzas and an Italian movie

Chris and Stephanie sitting in a tree...

Finding Joy in the Journey's Let's Go on a Date are 12 dates neatly packaged and prepared. Love Actually: Creative Ideas for Romance On A Budget has so many wonderful ideas that I haven't even gotten to them all yet, however, they are wonderfully categorized under "Ideas". The topics are: Date Night, Day to Day Romance, Lovey Dovey Gifts, "Heart"y Foods, Romantic Home Decor, Holidays, Loving From A Distance, Students in Relationships, Couples Group Dates, Married with Kids.

I may document these I may not...some things are just better without pictures.

Final analysis: Lots of date ideas with the time and the means to have at least one a month as a gift when Chris will least expect them...the month of June.

Here's where I've been inspired and where I've gotten my ideas

1. Date Night in a Jar
2. Let's Go On a Date
3. Love Actually...so many good ideas so little time

30 Day Song Challenge: Day Seven

Day Seven: A song that reminds you of a certain event          

         
          In 2008 Christopher and I decided that we needed to take a trip to a place that neither of us had been. We found it interesting that neither of us had been to Mt. Rushmore.
          We went on a three day weekend, one of the last in September and left on a Thursday night. We drove all the way to Rapid City, SD  and stayed in a Holiday Inn, near a Wal-Mart. This worked out well as I did not bring a bathing suit. At the Wal-Mart we bought loads of snack foods, magazines and some music for the road.
          I didn't know this at the time, but Chris likes to play games like "Do you think that I can make this[quarter/can/diaper] into the [jar/trash bin]?", "Guess the song I'm playing on the guitar?" and his favorite "Guess what I just did?". He'd been saying, pretty much all the way to Rapid City, that we needed road trip music...so, when we got back to the car, he started the game. "Guess what I just did?"..."What?" I said not understanding that I had to bite and guess, that is, after all, part of the game. "Guess?", "I dunno", "I bought something." "Huh?" and then I got excited and realized it was music for the road, as soon as he popped it in, I knew who and what song it was Road Trippin' by RHCP...impressed with my music knowledge (he didn't know I am a music goddess), he leaned back in the seat of the Camero and drove back to the hotel.
          While seeing Mt. Rushmore (I'll add pics to this post later...they aren't on this computer...frankly, I don't know where the CD is) and Wall Drug, jackalopes, 1880s town and The Corn Palace were fun sights and, flitting about Sioux Falls and Omaha 'home of the black squirrel', where the downtown has a DELICIOUS cupcake bakery, were definitely wonderful parts of our trip--this event that I will always remember, this event that everyone should experience--the night that sticks out is our night at Wal-Mart, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers getting to know one another through our conversation.

Feel free to join in by commenting below (I really do love comments, on fb or here), or doing this challenge on your own blog.

The 30 Day Song Challenge

Day 01 – Your favorite song
Day 02 -- Your least favorite song

Day 03 -- A song that makes you happy
Day 04 -- A song that makes you sad
Day 06 -- A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06 -- A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to
Day 09 – A song that you can dance to
Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 – A song from your favorite band
Day 12 – A song from a band you hate
Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 – A song that describes you
Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 – A song from your favorite album
Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 – A song from your childhood
Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

My Wedding Day (...a questionnaire)

This is a survey that wonderful, marvelous Ashley had as a post that I stumbled upon and I thought it would be fun to do...I'm not really into gushing and schmoopie-ness...but, it is the Saturday before Valentine's Day, so...

1) When was your wedding day?
July 28, 2009

2) What day of the week was it?
Tuesday

3) Did you get married in a church?
No, not at all... :)

4) How many in your wedding party?
No wedding party...we only had 4 people attended the wedding.

5) How many guests were invited to your wedding?
Anyone who wanted to fork over money to fly to Vegas and go to a wedding on a weekday could come...I just sent out a mass email (fancy, no?). Frankly, I've always wanted to get married in Vegas and am glad that I got to.

7) How long did you wait to Tie The Knot after your proposal?
hahahahaha!
For those of you who know the whole story (and, I don't mind telling anyone who ask, I just don't want to bore anyone with the details) this is a HILARIOUS question...we got married about a month after the proposal.

8) Who did you hire as your photographer & videographer?
We took pics ourselves, no video. I'm actually a personal person and didn't want to feel like I was on display.

9) Did you have a DJ or a band?
We went out after the wedding...at the restaurant they played music...

10) Did your father walk you down the aisle?
No.

11) What color were the bridesmaid dresses & groomsmen vests?
Dana and Jennifer had on really cute dresses. I was wearing a dress to befit a pregnant lady. The boys were dressed comfortably.

12) Who was your Maid Of Honor/Best Man?
Dana and Blake

13) Did you have a Bridal Shower?
No, no time! Unless you count Amanda's birthday...where we ate at Ocean Zen and told every we were pregnant and getting married in Vegas (don't worry Amanda said it was OK that I ruin her birthday and tell everyone, as I told her first...she thought it was fun!). We went out with my St. Louis friends the night before we flew to Las Vegas. There were a couple of real ones once school started...

14) What type of limo did you get?
The kind of limo that came with the Wedding package

15) Where did you go for your Bachelorette/Bachelor Party?
Chris went out with his man friends several nights in Vegas, while I slept and watched SVU. At home we went out with my friends and then his friends.

16) What type of wedding gown/tux did you two wear?
Um, I really wanted a white summer dress, but couldn't find one I liked (of course, I found every dress I wanted the next summer)...so, I settled for a flowery dress to befit a pregnant lady and Chris finally wore his friggin' linen pants! Hoorah!

17) How was the weather?
Vegas in July is INCREDIBLY hot!!! but there's no humidity so it felt pretty awesome!

18) Where did you go on your Honeymoon?
Well, we were already in Vegas...so...

19) What was your favorite part of your wedding day?
The whole day was pretty amazing...although, our limo was late because it broke down and there wasn't any AC once it picked us up.

20) How long have you been married?
1 1/2 years